[28 Sep 2005|06:46am] I havent updated this thing since summer. Alot has changed since the summer of 05. Jane, Gina, and Stace have grown closer then ever. We havent fought as much because we all realized how much drama we cause between each other and how stupid the shit is. Me and Gina still talk every morning b4 school to go over outfits.. Tom and me are going back and i couldnt be happier. <3 Ill write more later.. <3 1Post Comment

[24 Jun 2005|06:32am] [ mood | hopeful ] Last day of sophmore year.. kinda hard to beielve It def had its ups and downs. First year i actually loved someone. I know, heard to beielve and i sure as hell didnt show it but i did. I really cared alot in this relationship and i realized that it takes alot to give alot. I wasnt ready for a realationship like that because ive never had that "type". I never once had a boy that always wanted to hang out with me and who actually liked me for me. Ya, i fucked it up.. and if i could go back in time i would have never done it again but w/e. Im actually over this one kinda. It still sucks to see him and his new gf in the halls ways laughing and having a good time but for one thing is im glad they are happy. Im glad he found someone that was more like him. Im happy for him, no joke. I made alot of mistakes this school year. Trusting people to much, getting into stupid fights, and alot of other things. You learn from them, and i just know that junior year i will not be making the same mistakes. Mistakes are a pain in the ass. I need to learn to deal with what i have. I need to realize that what i have right now its good and that i dont need anything else to satfisy me. Theres no reason to be upset. Ill be the first to tell you. Dont do anything serious with a person . unless you love them. Ive learned to party this year. When i was a freshman, i never smoked, drank did anything for that matter. Now i ocasiioanly do both. Im not an alcholic, or a pot head. Just on friday nights you like to have a god time. Im not saying its right, or a good thing because its not. Ive decided not to smoke anymore.. i barely do anyway so it really doesnt matter.. i dont even like doing it. My best friends have stuck by me this year. Through me balling me eyes out for 2 weeks over a break up and laughing my ass of about the randomiest things. I love my girllyy friends. Jane, Tits, Gina. They always seem to brighten up my day when im in a bad mood. Ohh boy do us girls get into the stupid fights,,.. and im prob the one to start them because for some reason i love to fight. Maybe its the reason that i know that we will always make up in the end. Us 4 have had a crazy year and im looking forward to another one In 6 days ill be going to california with my family and jane. we are traveling up the west coast. No one lives over there.. its just a very far away vacation which i despreatly need. I need to get away from mansfield mass soon or im gonna fucking kill myself. Me and jane will have a splendid time togehter.. after the trip shes going to leave to see her mom all july. Im going to miss the bitch.. but shes coming back for my birthday ! sweet 16. ! Boys are boys. They never change. They want pussssyy and thats about it. They get it. and then they leave! I miss having someone that comes over every night and watches movies.. and i miss having that one and only person you call at night to say your goodnites. I miss having stupid names for each other. I miss just being able to be around that person and it brings a smile to your face. I need to get over the fact that missing that isnt getting me anywhere and that i just need to get over it. Lately... me and jason have become EXTREMELY CLOSE FRIENDS! He is the by far the funniest kid i have ever met in my whole life. Just if he comes over to watch tv.. or talk to my mom or to get coffee. He makes my day prob every day. haha my mom loves him to death..Im surprised that he has lives so close to me for some many years.. and we werent friends. Im gladd i found ya you stupid melted suga. Anway.. no ones gonna read this. and it doesnt matta. Everyone have a good summer.. <3 Mandaa Post Comment

[09 Jun 2005|06:36am] [ mood | enthralled ] [ music | imcomplete because sean can sing it ] I havent updated in a while. I kinda just been doing 3 of the same things. Working Sleeping and school. It summer though, and ive been slacking off completely. I havent read the Great Gasby, and i shoul have read like 4 chapters. I got 4 projects. One in each class. ha i should get working on those. Its been so hott lately. My house is freezing because my mom blast the AC. but just outside, it sometimes unbearable. Hmm so my weekend.. and week went kinda like this. Friday: Hung out with a buncha people @ intercourses house and got the elmwood CD. yeah and left it there. Sat: I think i went out with my mom, then had to work with bombs and kate. Then i ended up going out with deprerio and stace Sunday: Beach :-) Stace slept over all weekend :-)!DCDS too Monday: School...hung with bombs... watched movies Tuesday: went to school 2 hours late.. i wanted to sleep. I Hung with jason i bit then i had to go to work. It wasnt that bad, kenny worked with me and i talked to bombs the whole time. then home. Wed: Field trip in boston with her HOtt kelly and jane and gill and sean and lauren and carylon and julie and vero and kaitlin. It was a ton of fun. We just kinda walked around the whole musesum the way we pleased. We also saw the polo raulh lauren cars. Then i came home around 3 . jason picked me up. Hung with jane a lil then DCDS Today. i got no idea. Getting my paycheck, then il prob go swimming Post Comment

cuz im a wishful thinker.. with the worst intentions [21 May 2005|01:21pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | bonnie tyler ] Well. i havent updated in forever. I havent been doing much. I wrote 2 papers for the only 2 classes i had . with the help of jane. I fallen in love with fall out boy even more then i was before. They are just sucha a good bad. and total eclipse of the heart is the best song. Ive been hanging with my old friends. and its a good feeling, i was missin them. I hate juniors :-) I cant wait til your gone haha .. not all of them. Im going to miss benzi when he leaves. but hes going to visit me because kips. Seniors are gone in 2 days. I soon will be traveling to cali with my best friend!!! for 2 weeks Work is a bitch, but its getting me an green ipod. Talent show. haa it was a good time. Janes party- Another fab time. I love you jane :-) Im in a perdicament.Its bad. but i think ino what im doing. i got my nails off, because i like my real ones.. they loook good. We belong together. <3 5Post Comment

Loves an excuse to get hurt... well do you like to hurt.. i do. so hurt me [09 May 2005|06:37am] [ mood | creative ] [ music | hot hot heat. ] Prom was fun.We went to staces house and took pics. im gona put pictures up here when i have the chance. they are in staces profile if you just cant wait. I had fun. Except for the part where they sat jay gad @ my table, but shit happens right. Karma's a bitch. We danced and hung with sass the whole night. She is the cutest lil thing. It wasnt a dissapointment, but it wasnt as good as i expected. I thought that it would have been alot better then it was. Next year will be fun because all our friends wil b there instead of like two. After prom we drove home in the limo. and hung around for a bit. Then we got in aarons car, did our thing. Then went back to aarons and watched some tv. Just a lazy prom night. Well. it wasnt that bad actually. I enjoyed it. Saturday: went out to eat with mom, then i went to work. Well.. theres a huge situation right now with gina. but im going going to tell the whole world abt my feelings because ginas the only one that needs to hear them. I like someone. Theres no point though. :-) Lovely.. this always happens. I love rumors that arent true! Have a good day <3 amanda 11Post Comment

[05 May 2005|06:45am] I havent updated in a while Nothings really going on. Prom is tommorow. im excited. Thank god stace is going with aaron now because we will both have a better time. Im so sick of fighting, so im done, plus theres no reason im finally over it <3 Tonight im hangin wit randy.. and tommorow im getting dismissed @ 1230 to get ready leave one <3 3Post Comment

thatss soo rare [27 Apr 2005|10:57am] Well its been awhile. im alot better now, thanks to some certain people. They made me reailze something. I know for a fact that i love him. No doubt about him, but now mayb its just the idea of him. Its the idea of how hes perfect. The idea that he could do no wrong. But now, that ive seen him after ive reailzed he isnt perfect, and hes able to break your heart over and over again. Gina said thats what it was for her, so maybe thats wat it is for me. I mean i miss him, and i couldnt see myself with anyone else, but in a way im over it. I dont see it happening because he is hte worlds biggest dick to me, not that i dont deserve it, but hes gone a lil far. Ive cried over and over again because what he has said to me. Ive called gina, stace, jane all on the phone because i didnt know what else to do. It kills me what he says. That i lying, still. that i used him. Now, no. i didnt use you. are u kidding me. We spend so many nights together just holding each other and being together, wat the hell would i use you for. i loved you tom. Dont start telling me how i feel, because honestly you wouldnt know. you havent seen me or hung out with me since you broke my heart. Ya, people make mistakes, but you forgive themm and this time, i wouldnt do a single thing wrong. But now, im over it. For good. I wont always bring up things that remind me of him anymore. I wont look in the morning (ally) I wont even talk about him, because its fucking pointless. And for sarah- I dont have a problem with your friend. At first i did and then i realized it was childish, until she started to do it. So what do you think me and stace are going to do, we are going to start on up again, and we will stop if she stops.Sarah, i wouldnt wanna lose you as a friend, and if its over this is stupid. I dnt see how its fair. Shes telling you to not be our friends, because we make fun of her. Well im not telling you to not be her friend bc shes makes of me. Shes your friend, i wouldnt want to tell you not be it because it would make me feel better. :-) I just want my saassssa to be happy Theres no need for commments, im not looking for any. 1Post Comment

[20 Apr 2005|11:42pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | hands down. ] Well lately i really dont know. This vacation hasnt been too bad, except for the fact that my friends.. idno. Today... i woke up. Went to work 11-2. It sucked, but i didnt mess up once. It was def a first. Then i got burger King. Met this kid named jeff inside. Hes from norton, he seemed very nice. hm. Then i went tanning. I have a suburn now. It kills. Well i got home, was in the shower.. and i go outside the shower in a towel, and to my surprise scott nick and jason are in my house. We hung around.. gina came by. They left around 5ish.... then we had dinner. then went to scotts house im confused. ps. imm soo happy that youve become a dick. N im not being sacrastic. <3LOVE IS JUST AN EXCUSE TO GET HURT. Post Comment

[19 Apr 2005|10:36am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | nothing! ] The person who you can always count to be there and catch you when your at your worst. Someone who knows all your secrets and silly little crushes. That person you can have a horrible fight with then go shopping for matching bracelts half an hour later. That one person you sit in her room all day jumping up and down listening to Dashboard confesstionals. A person who can tell you the truth. and would do anything in their power to not get you upset - Best friends. fdskndsfsd jkfdsfsdfs 1Post Comment

there is no point. [13 Apr 2005|06:41am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Rough draft yellowcard.. :-( ] OKay. yeah i hate fighting.. but theres thats the only way to fix things. What happened today. really go me upset, and im going to confront you because its the only way to let you know how i feel. I hate fighting as much as u do, does anyone like to fight?. W.e, be mad @ me when you really dont have a reason. I was just letting you know how i left today. Anywayy.. yesterday i tried to go get a job. i may have gotten it, a huge possiblity that i didnt, but ya never know.. maybe he will. Ugh. Then i saw chris @ work. ha that was fun. It must suck. having all those.. rocks in .. your . car. haha. I saw jay. didnt say a word, stace talked to him though. Im not sure if it was to get me upset, or just to say high.I bet she didnt want to get me mad.. but he did hurt me pretty bad.. and just hmm i dont know. i lost my train of thought. It didnt get me mad, surprisingly. maybe because i dont care anymore, but still. Then we went tanning and stuff and then studied for a huge english test i have today. Ohhh NO more math. im so excited. No, its dance movement. this should be very interesting. well i neeed to go catch da loser crusier with my buddy ally<333 leave me a comment. <3 Post Comment

[09 Apr 2005|08:15pm] [ mood | irate ] [ music | seether fine again ] Wellk. lately ive havent been myself, ask anyone. I mop around and dont talk. This isnt the amanda i want to be, but it happens. Really, Only my best friends can put a smile on my face, or a special pair of shorts :-( Well, Friday. I got dunkin donuts after school and then pat came over. We hung around.. do the usually. Watched tv. Then zach wyatt and dan came over and we watched movies. It was an interesting time. They were being bad in my back yard, but oh well. Stace came lata and we al just chilled. I wanted jane to come but she wasnt up to it. Saturday: Stace called me and she said we were going to the mall. We went to south shore, Shopped around, i found a shirt from express. but i didnt end up buying it because it was ultra expensive.Im going tanning tommorow with stace bombs, wow. i found something and got really excited haha stace . uGH. i dont know anymore i should give up. im obsessed and its stupid. Hes over it and im not. He doesnt want me anymore. Im shit to him. Ugh. stopp it amanda. Okay, well ill right more lata i hope the owen twins are having fun on their cruise and i mad they didnt take me. ohhh party:-) 3Post Comment

[04 Apr 2005|06:54pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | so far away crossfade ] im letting the world know. that this is the worst day of my life * Drop everything out of my bathroom closet in the morning * I walk into the girls locker room in the morning. * Jay gad telling me he cant take me to prom. * I bought a 300 dollar dress that i cant return * Aaron asked me to prom. i told gina, she almost killed me. and it wasnt even my fault. i said no. * Benzi thought i ditched him when i snuck out because stace made me * this is the big one. ***** Tom delmar came to pick up his sweatshirt, probably to give to his new girlfriend. I just looked @ him and i didnt even know what to say. i just looked @ him and thought that i losed and how much i really care for him. still. Thats over with . yeah. this day cant get much worsE. maybe ill break a limp @ dance tonight fuck you god, damn it i hope you like roses up ur ass. 11Post Comment

[04 Apr 2005|06:35am] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | smoke two joints ] i can honestly tell you right now that i have huge trust problems. I used to be able to trust someone. Now its physical impossible for me to actually let my walls done. Well. this weekend has been in interesting one.Friday: Skipped track, i think im quitting and getting a job, but besides that i hung out with stace and sassa.Then jane came and we were all chilling then me and stace went to shaws bc we needed lettuce. That night, we were suppose to hang out with jay and all them, but someone got ditched for a boys night.. but then it somehow ended as a boy/girl night with girls sleeping over. i dont fucking get you jay. You tell me to care, u tell me, i like it when you get mad abt things over me. and you tell me to actually trust you. Fuck that. im sorry. Dont ever think that im going to beielve you again. i hope your happy<3!OHH BUT that night we hung with janes dad then mike and then a lil bit of dan. but not really. Saturday: I went prom dress shopping.. to go to prom w/ jay. Im still going, i think. But i went with stace and her mom and my mom. We had a grand oll time. I got a blue strapless one. Ill prob get a picture up here. Then us girls went to a nice restarant called the chateau and ate some lovely food. The mothers and us had a lovely talk about everything, it was good. That night i hung with jane and chris, alex and stace and me and zach. I had a really nice time. I kinda do like zach a lil bit, but hes going to the marines in like 2 weeks and he will be gone for 3 months. so, im just kinda in a werid mood about it. I did like jay, until he used me. but besides that one again. Sunday: Did my child DEV project. then went to the mall and panera. I got home around 6 then jane and chris and zach came over and we watched a movie.. went to wendys.. then this place and then went home <333 it was fun Ughhh i cant beielve you p.s im glad me and steve our friends again. 2Post Comment

spring and Track <3 [31 Mar 2005|06:38am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | calm before the storm ] i love Spring and Track. i just like running when its so nice outside. I just wanta go outide and just sit. Me and jane plan on doing that today @ the track meet. Thank god i have her. Yesterday she left me for her boy. but its cool. because i did it to her. It really sucks to have no one. Like i want someone to just be around, to come over, to watch movies with.. but that persons actually gotta care. Im finding out that its pretty hard to find. It seeming to be such a hassle. I see couples in the hall. couch hahaha so funny cough. and yeah its really starting to get me. Exceptially when you laugh.. i mean its just soo fucking funny, wait.. im not getting it. i dont think its funny @ all. Benzi is awesome. Id just thought about saying it. swwl<3 .its love [ well i bet everyone is so interested in my life. Well im going to prom with jay. It should be a hell of a time. Im excited. Stace is going to. and shes going in our limo bc she cant go in the other one. Im going dress shopping on saturday and starting tanning tommorow. Ya.. thank god amanda is the palest thing you have ever seen .Ohh after prom we are going to a beach house. Wel today jay isnt picking me up because hes running late, plus we got mad on the phone yeseterday.. that also could be a reason. well.. track meet today.. i cant wait. i mean i love sitting and doing nothing for 10000 hours. Janes sleeping over tonight and watching le divorce. FRENCH KIDS CAME. and one of them is staying wtih ally and i plan on meeting him<3 i met oliver and valentine.cute stuff. well.. comment your ass of ladies and gentlemen. oh..plus.. if your a bitch .. then im a bitch <3 8Post Comment

[26 Mar 2005|08:23pm] GUESS WAT GUYS SUCK AND I HATE THEM <3 16Post Comment

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